The Chit-Chat

First of all, I have to apologize for updating about this so late. Many of you have called or texted to see how things went, and I have felt so badly that I haven't done an adequate job of informing everyone of how great the conversation went. I had planned on blogging on Thursday night, but my mind was spinning in a thousand different directions and I was trying to pack for our trip to Dallas for the weekend, so I ended up falling asleep instead of typing. Belated nonetheless, here's how it went.......

I hung up the phone on Thursday night and cried hard for a while. I had prayed so hard along with many of you that T would feel extremely loved by our Father that I had somewhat overlooked the feeling myself, and as soon as the end button had been pushed, the love that the Father has for me overwhelmingly filled the room. He is amazing! I think lately I have been desiring so much for her to experience the goodness of God that I really haven't slowed down enough to experience it myself. So soaking up God's love for me was a great way to end an incredible evening! I won't share every little detail about our conversation mainly for the sake of time and my fingers, but I will share the highlights to what I believe God is beginning to do in our journey. For starters, we talked for almost an hour. This was quite different from last time. The case worker sat there quietly (I'm sure she was really doing laundry or checking her email), and we chatted like long lost friends. We talked about her daughter and what things take place in her every day life. She shared about her situation and how difficult it has been for her while trying to decide what to do. She shared about her plans to go back to school once this is behind her. At one point in the conversation, I just sat in silence listening to her talk and cried to myself out of sadness that no one that I know and love will probably ever get to meet her. She is a remarkable lady who despite the difficulty of the situation, deems it only perfect sense for her to be completely selfless and place this baby with us. She desires nothing more than to keep this baby and raise it in a family that loves it unconditionally, but as she said, "Every child deserves a mom and dad that love it like crazy, and I can only give it half of the equation." I just can't say enough about how incredible she is and how amazing our God is.

At different points throughout the conversation I got to reinforce again how much it meant to us that she requested us and how honored we were for the opportunity of sharing in this experience with her hoping that she felt the sincerity of my words. For those of you who remember parts of our first journey with her, you probably remember a time when I was praying fervently that T would see Jesus in me. And then she requested to see me before her c-section so that I could hold her while she cried. As her case worker said a couple of days later, "She saw comfort in you, and that rarely happens in situations like this." Well, it wasn't me she saw comfort in. I was just a willing vessel He chose to use, and we have been praying that we would have many more humbling opportunities in this journey. Well, during our time, she paused and said, "I don't know if I'm being out of line here, but I was wondering something...." My mind immediately was filled with thousand of things she could possibly be asking, and then she began to cry again and asked if I would consider being in the c-section with her. I was speechless. To my knowledge, you only get one person, and last time that was her case worker. So, for her to say that it would mean a lot to her if I would be in there with her.......I can't even articulate exactly how that made me feel. I'm still speechless at the crafty way God positions us in unimaginable places to minister to those who are hurting. She went on to make several other comments in the conversation about the timing of it all and how it just seems to work out perfectly. She had even brought up how perfect the timing was last time as well. She would make comments about little things regarding her pregnancy somewhat out of disbelief that these things had turned out the way they had, and I would just sit there in awe of God because I had prayed those very things over her even before I knew I was praying them over T. God is just so good!

Ok, so I feel like I have rambled on and on and have left out a lot of the conversation, but I will wrap up with an update on the update. So, we still do not have medical records, and T said she released them last week. I called my case worker last night and she said that they would have a staff meeting this morning at which she would collect all the information she could. I do not have a preference at all on gender of this baby, and the only reason I am a bit anxious to find out (besides the obvious excitement) is because of the work that I need to be doing if this baby is a girl! Our case worker then called back a couple of hours later and said that T is having heavy contractions and was going to try and hold off until this morning so that she could see her doctor. I am supposed to hear some time today on what her doctor has told her and what the plan is from here. She desperately needs to get to Utah. It is not ideal for any of us for her to have this baby in the state she is currently living in, so this would be our biggest prayer need right now. Thanks again for praying for us! God hears the pleas of His saints, and He's moving mightily!

Quick Update

Well, honestly I thought my next blog entry would be telling whether we will be having a little boy or a little girl, but we still don't know yet. We are waiting for T to send her medical records to Utah and then they can set a c-section date and let us know the gender. Since my last blog, some small details have changed in the situation. Not major ones, but nonetheless I thought I would clarify some things. First, there was some miscommunication among agency workers regarding T's location. T is not in Florida. Now, this does not mean that what I had previously given credit to God for is now null and void. I always feel somewhat awkward when I have to go back on something that I have totally proclaimed God's movement in, but I know that even though that fact is now different, God's movement in this small detail has not changed. Regardless of where T is, God knew that our vacation was a concern to me (as silly as that sounds), and I know that he allowed wires to be crossed here so that it would be put out of my mind so that I could see more clearly on what we were supposed to do.

Second, since T isn't in Florida, she is super concerned about going into labor in the state she is currently in which would not be a good deal for any of us. The agency called us night before last and informed us that she has changed her mind on waiting until the end of May to have the baby, and will be scheduled for a c-section around the 24th which just so happens to be when we were going on vacation. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't disappointed about not getting to feel the sand between my toes, but there will be other vacations! So, we are tentatively planning to be in Utah around the 23rd or 24th of May to meet the newest member of our family!

They had called last week and told us that when T found out that we were going to bring home the baby, she burst into tears out of relief and excitement she said. She told them that she wanted to talk to us, but that she wanted to wait a couple of days because she was afraid that as emotional as she was at that moment, all she would do is cry while we were on the phone. Well, tonight is the night! We are set up for our little chit-chat tonight around 7 our time. A friend asked yesterday if I was less nervous talking to her this time around since we've done this before, and I thought I would be but I'm not. I've been praying all morning for our conversation, not because how this goes has any bearing at all on her decision to place with us. I just want her to feel the love of the Father every time she sees or talks to me, and that makes me somewhat nervous in an excited kind of way (if that makes sense at all). I don't have long with her so every little thing counts a lot! This will be the last time we speak before we are together in Utah, so its really important to me that she hangs up the phone feeling completely at peace and very much loved! So, if you have time today, if you could just lift our conversation up the Father! I pray that my words are His because His words bring life! Thanks for praying for us! We really appreciate it, and are really excited about sharing this journey with you!

"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!" 1 Peter 1:6

Our Sprint

I laid in bed last night unable to sleep for reasons I will expound on in a moment. In fact, I have had trouble falling asleep over the last 2 nights. I made several attempts to sleep. I first planned my day today. When that didn't work, I moved on to thinking about how sleepy I was in an effort to convince my brain it would be best for all of us if it would shut down. When the first two options did nothing for me, I began to write this blog entry in my head. I came up with a great title and everything, and then I fell asleep. Can't remember a thing I came up with.

In my efforts to be a more faithful blogger, I had planned on writing another entry earlier in the week. It was going to be a short one because as of Monday, there wasn't much to blog about in this new adoption journey. Boy, did that change on Tuesday! I thought this journey was going to be more of a walk, but God intervened and turned it into a sprint! So, here goes.....While I was picking Bennett up from his sitter on Tuesday, I missed a call from an out of state number. They left a message, so I checked it as soon as I could. It was the adoption agency we had used with Bennett. I thought nothing about it other than they were probably calling about paperwork questions I had had a month ago. I couldn't have been more shocked when I heard the reason for the call. The familiar voice on the other end informed me that Bennett's birthmom was pregnant again and was requesting that we accept the baby. I was overwhelmed with emotion both good and bad. As crazy as it sounds, it had never crossed our minds that we would get this phone call. I was excited for the opportunity to pray about it, but heartbroken for her that she was going to live this out yet again. The remainder of the evening my little tear ducts were constantly full. I can't adequately articulate how shocked I was. Even though we had willingly entered into this process again and the goal of this process is to bring another child into our family to love, I never thought that the situation that God brought us would be this one. I had been daydreaming since before we began the journey this time of what our next child would be, and for those of you who have talked to me, you know that a fully Caucasian, half sibling to the child I have was not on the radar screen. Let me interject something here, if I may.....I wasn't disappointed nor saddened that we received this phone call. It's just a lot to process in a short amount of time and I'm just being transparent as to all the emotions I felt in a matter of a couple of minutes. For the sacredness of time, I will try to spare you all the details and just hit the high points from this point forward. We were told her due date is June the 7th and that it of course would be a scheduled c-section at least one week prior to that. We have vacation planned the week before Memorial Day in Florida, and I was feeling the stress of the time crunch. But since God is faithful and knew I was stressing out over a tiny detail, he just lovingly took care of it for me. It turns out that "T" (as I'll call her) recently relocated to Florida, so if the baby was to come early, we would already be in the state. She really wants to travel to Utah again for delivery, which is more than likely where we will be, but God has worked it out in case she doesn't make it there.

She has opted to not find out the gender, but it is included in her medical records. The agency is going to call as soon as they receive the records to update us on how things have been going and let us know if Bennett is going to have a brother or a sister. The last part of that sentence just made me breathe deep! The reality of this has definitely sunk in the last couple of days. Once the decision was made, and both Jonathan and I were completely full of peace, a huge amount of excitement settled in. Seeing as we only had 5 days notice with Bennett, a month seems and feels like an eternity! That just doesn't seem long at all to get as prayed up as I feel I need to be. I will keep posting as we get updates on the newest member of our family, but until then, if you could just pray for the health of T and the baby. And also that God would begin to soften her heart again to be loved by us. He was so faithful to us before, and I know that he will be faithful again, but I know there is a bigger reason for this opportunity than just to grow our family. Thanks for praying for us! We are really excited! Until next time......

At it again.....

Ok, so I am making yet another attempt at entering the blogging world. I'm not exactly sure how all of this is going to go down, but my intentions are good and my expectations are high! Seeing as I had to create an entirely new blog, I will dedicate this first post to sharing about my family.

I am married to the man God made for me. He's everything I'm not, and to say he completes me is somewhat of an understatement. Jonathan and I have been married for almost 9 years, and I feel extremely blessed to have him in my life. He is an amazing man of God who tries daily to have the heart of the Father. He is a wonderful husband, but as soon as I thought I couldn't love him anymore, I saw him become a dad. That changed everything!

We have a son named Bennett who will turn two in July. He is amazingly perfect for us! In fact, Bennett is the reason I had started blogging the first time. In the spring of 2008, I started blogging about our adoption journey, and inconsistently blogged until he was a couple of months old. And then, unloading the dishwasher became more important. He was born in July of 2008 and puts a smile on our faces every day! I have said this before, but will repeat myself if thats okay. Until we were blessed with Bennett, I had heard of God's faithfulness, and had seen God's faithfulness in other people's lives, which had all been enjoyable experiences for me. But the day he was born I held God's faithfulness and have done so every day since then. He is such a joy! He is a funny little boy that thoroughly enjoys making us laugh which he does daily. He's full of energy which at times wears me out, but I have soaked up every moment, loving every phase while looking forward to the next.

We have started the adoption process again. I like to refer to this as my pregnancy. I know I'm nuts, but I genuinely love the process even though there are parts I dread and at times fear, it still holds true joy for me. I will update more on our new process in my next post. Until next time......